Targa Tasmania 2008 Day 4 – Rise of the Machine

So Day 4 dawned, clear blue skies, sunshine, a crisp cold morning in Launceston, and a deep sense of foreboding on the part of The Nav after one or two bad fung shui events overnight and in the morning

First fearful fung shui event was the call on the ships tannoy system - reaching all parts of the massive 650 foot long, 29,000 tonne, 10 story high ferry - for "Mr Russell to please report to the passenger administration desk". On arrival The Nav was faced by two smirking ships staff who advised that "Your car alarm has gone off on lower deck 5". Our M3 Skipper was summoned, smiled, and went down below to sort things out. Arriving back, Nav was briefed in that it was the BMW ‘Satellite enabled, anti-motion, anti-lift, anti-theft, anti-drive' device being set off as the ship rolled through the vicious 1 metre swells, and biggest risk was a flat battery in the morning. An unsettled night of sleep followed with The Nav visualising a morning start, dozens of hard working Aussie longshoreman standing around smirking more about that yellow M3, as Skipper, sitting in drivers seat, implores Nav to "Push harder!" as Nav puts all his slight 80kg's into pushing a 1500kg BMW the length of a 650 foot ship so we can "jump start the car using gears down the 200 foot exit ramp...." Luckily car started at first key turn and hemorrhoids were avoided

Breakfast on the way to Launceston in a small town called Deloraine, with The Nav happy with the ‘Frog's Bakery and Café’, and Skipper asking location of the 'Grand Hyatt Deloraine' in this quaint Taswegian country town. Finally choosing the ‘Deloraine Hotel (established 1848)’, breakfast orders proved challenging with Skipper's "I'll have the low-fat, organic, non-genetically modified baked beans on toast please, whole grain wheat bread, no butter, scrambled eggs with olive oil, double expresso black coffee with little bit of extra hot water, hold the salt." The Nav "Big breakfast please." Some consternation for Skipper when waitress advised "Sorry, no whole grain wheat bread" Skipper "Rhy?" Waitress "No." Skipper "Wholemeal grain?" Waitress "Nope." Skipper "Brown?" Waitress "Ah ah." Skipper "Bread?" Waitress "Yeaaah!! This IS breakfast" Skipper "Hmmm........ok white bread thanks"

2nd fearful fung shui moment was not one but two newspapers sitting invitingly on the breakfast table. While The Nav read world events such the Clinton v Obama slug fest about comments re Pennsylvania, Skipper railed on for about an hour on the joys of Victoria and Tassie papers, and their average 30 pages every Monday of Aussies rules week-end match results, Aussie rules match statistics, Aussie rules footy tips, Aussie rules multi-country sweep-stakes, and generally just about all the joys of Aussie rules. Later The Nav, on reviewing concern over current clock time vs drive time remaining vs Targa Velodrome preparation and paperwork required, made known his concern to Skipper, who over-ruled said concern with "She'll be right." Like such great sayings as "I believe we have peace in our time", this would come back to haunt The Nav on this day of high drama

So into ground zero Launceston on the single lane highway, just missing logging trucks, road trains, and ship container carriers going the other way as the joys of the new inverted, cantilevered, race angled tires were explained in detail by the Skipper, during which the pocket rocket was given its head through assorted corners, passing lanes, and local school bus stops. To the Launceston Velodrome for the now critical paperwork. Some consternation by the BMW HK Targa Team (HKTT) at the more Cantonese than Canton organisation of the event, with feedback on key critical issues from important looking people in corduroys, cattle-hats and either pink, red or blue motor-racing safety jackets including "What's this legal release for?" "Got no idea mate!" What driving license is suitable?" "No idea mate." "What’s the extra $ charges for?" "Doesn't say mate?" "Where can we put our race numbers and decals on?" "Ah, not too sure about that mate." "Has the critical 11.30am Tour meeting been moved - the one which if we don't attend we'll be disqualified from the whole event?" "What meeting mate ?"

Skipper and The Nav in 2 hours flat got all documents completed, had car scrutineered, parked inside the Velodrome, drove out of the Velodrome, found the meeting, grabbed lunch, drove back to the Velodrome, had the car washed, bribed a young local official to affix stickers and decals, and managed to find the local golf course ready for the epic Nav v Skipper intra-camp comp number 3

And what a round of golf it was. The fung shui master proved prophetic, with golf Meister Skipper scoring a masterly 51, and poor shambly Grasshopper Nav a very difficult 60 - with match-play being Skipper 6 holes, Nav Nil, and 3 halved. Sadly Skipper at hole 4 commenced to bang on for the next 5 holes that "Today's result must indeed be in today’s report!" and humble Nav agreeing and at the same time discouraging Skipper from eyeing up the course’s local water and terrestrial fowl, for on-sale at a local Launceston Pub Raffle to raise funds for our kitty payments for the BP Hi-Octane super 98 fuel that was best for the pocket rocket

Certainly there was some resistance by The Nav to other Skipper-driven finance generating schemes at the first tee on the golf course when, after taking a AUD $20 note from the travel kitty to buy some golf balls, Skipper returned. The Nav, seeking refund of the significant balance of funds - from the purchase of expected soil, water, and sun-stained, oxidizing, mis-shapen balls from the very good pro-shop 2nd hand ball collection - was handed a AUD$2 coin. The Skipper then marched up to the 1st tee, driver in hand, admiring his new Titleist golf balls shining blindlingly white in the early afternoon Taswegian sunshine, and the Skipper commenting about his excitement at marking his ball on the first green with the newly purchased, titanium-alloy, gold rimmed, R&A ‘Launceston Golf & Country Club' ball placement marker

And so day 4 ended with hotel sorted and the pocket rocket locked up at the Velodrome in case the stickers, licence plates, and decals – don’t worry about the car - were stolen on the tough streets of Launceston. A meal of Thai nosh and a bottle of local red were scoffed before today's report was completed and sleep beckoned

An early start tomorrow, with Reveille at 6.15am, then its off up to Georgetown on the North coast for the 1st closed stage Temco Prologue. Day 4's major shock for the HKTT came at the main briefing meeting, with ‘Absolutely Zero’ blood alcohol level mandatory for all Drivers' (the Skipper then producing his Food Science pocket book to explain that all foods, including large amounts of alcohol, are actually processed by the human body within 6 hours), with the 2nd shock being our Tour Group Packet. One of four Tour Packets each made up of ten cars; and containing big Mercs, fast Porsches, and several BMW M Series autos, oozing speed and excitement, we learned that our lead-driver heading our packet group would be driving a Volvo. What a day tomorrow promises !

Until then. Watch for chicanes

This is The Nav. Play ended