The Thing About Halal Tobacco

On a recent sales visit to attend a Jakarta Trade Show, The Nav was entertained out one evening by his university-educated Indonesia distributor partners – more his “chums” and “buddies” after working the highways and byways of Java, and Bali and Sumatra with them for the past 8 years. Many an enjoyable bantering session has been had over these travels.

Never to hurt, always to laugh, and sometimes even to reflect. This night The Nav – or “Infidel” as he is lovingly referred to by his distributor colleagues - had one unusually memorable conversation with these same Bahasa Indonesia Islamic chums. He shares this conversation with you now

Diding

"Yes, the Indonesia government, thanks to lobbying by the local childrens health lobby, has made all cigarettes in Indonesia 'Haram', which means non-halal, to try to stop people smoking (through the social stigma attached to smoking)."

(The Nav’s Ed Note : ‘Haram’ in Islam is (something) forbidden for religious reasons or because it is against social custom. ‘Halal’ on the other hand is (of an animal or its meat) slaughtered or prepared in the manner prescribed by Islamic law)

The Nav

"Right. But there's something I don't quite understand."

Agus

"Yes, we know. Why is religion being used to try to change peoples consumption habits ?"

The Nav

"No, that's not it."

Diding

"Why is the government trying to curtail leisure activities, as the small, local, roll your own cigarettes are the only luxury someone can enjoy before death - knowing that use of alcohol, drugs, and any form of sex out of wedlock are forbidden for fear of be-heading under Shariah law ?"

The Nav

"Ah, nope."

Agus

"What, that the local childrens health lobby is using religion to achieve their political ends ?"

The Nav

"Uh ah. No. That's not it either."

Diding

"What is your problem then with ‘Haram’ tobacco !?"

The Nav

"How is tobacco ‘Halal’ in the first place ? What ? Dozens of Imams stand out in Indonesia tobacco fields, a knife in hand, mumbling ‘Allah be praised’ as they scythe their way through each individual tobacco plant stem ?

The poor little tobacco plants, trembling in nervousness, a shrill voice - lost in the windy Java hills - screaming at the level below that recognized by the human ear ‘Please, no, not meeee....!’ as they are sacrificed to Allah before being dried, shredded, mixed with cloves, rolled in paper, packed, and marked 'Haram' to try to severely curtail consumption ?

Why not just triple the retail price with taxes, and use the tax money to build more childrens hospitals ?"

To this there was initially consternation, then realization, then laughter, and finally the comments "No, this cannot be. This is Indonesia !"

Life. It ain’t that difficult. Or so The Nav thought