Why is Malaysia Hot ?

This is a question The Nav has often asked himself during many years of visiting this conglomeration of non-conglomerated states. Where Kuala Lumpur is as far from Kota Kinabalu as Madrid is from Edinburgh. Where there are a variety of peoples from literally dozens of racial and ethnic groups - all tied together by the fact that nobody in Malaysia likes Singapore

I mean think about it. What tick on the bum of a large elephant ever successfully decided the future of that elephant - unless it was tucked up tight at the apex of the tail and the soft, pink, fleshy bits - sucking and at once expunging its toxins into that very, very, very raw piece of rear-wheel drive, jungle-orientated real estate. But a tick on the rear is what Singapore has been for Malaysia

And this has been the want of the little island nation of Singapore during its 30 plus years of independence. An island with one-fifth the population of Malaysia and fully only one four hundred and seventieth the size geographically. An island where the main ‘New Straits Times’ newspaper constantly comments about the harmony and happiness of Singaporeans - despite the fact that broken marriages are rife after trysts with mainland Chinese 'touring concubines'. Themselves seeking a permanent residency card absolutely anywhere - even in Chad - as long as it’s not in China

While the same media comments at how bad it is across the straits - both North and South - and yet when you yourself visit these places North and South there are no riots, no violent robberies, no ice cream cones being absconded and scoffed by the local constabulary. There is only relative calm, and smiles, and a willingness to work hard to get on

The Nav has observed and experienced this frustration of the elephant and the tick, because he himself never utters that most Singaporean of terms - "OK La!" - within 'earshot Malaysia'. Should this happen, there is invariably an instant reaction of a smirk, a gritted smile, a raising of the eye brows, and a bracing for that bite on the bum that is sure to happen. Because for many many years Singapore's Chinese and Indian elite have sought to take the moral, ethical, and business high ground in and amongst what are essentially Bahasa speaking peoples. And what irks Singapore the most is not the debate, the mud-slinging, or the requests for super large elastoplasts for those tick bites. What really irks them is being ignored

Like the mouse that roared, Singapore is always pointing to its development, its achievements, and its status. But like a man holding his small banana, The Nav does feel that this breast beating - or banana peeling if you will - is an insecurity thing. Whereas Singapore holds a small banana, Malaysia has two of the biggest. They are called the 'Petronas Towers', and if they are big enough for Sean Connery to launch himself off, then they must be pretty impressive. Singapore has its architectural twin 'pineapple' cojones in its Esplanade Performing Arts Centre, but what images does that conjure up in the battle for regional 'prowess'?

The Nav believes Singapore is insecure because to the North and to the South they just don't care. And why would they when the biggest decision that the tick has to make is which fleshy protuberance to bite. Whereas the elephant has to face daily decisions on how to keep a relative ocean of flesh, blood, and bones fed, watered, safe, alive, and on the move. And if you've ever seen or experienced an angry elephant charge, you'll understand why Malaysia is always hot – it’s because of that bloody tick!

This is The Nav. Reaching for another jalapeno